Put a bowl on your altar and another container full of beans. Could be garbanzo, mung beans, anything you like. As you go through your day, whenever you notice something or someone you are grateful for, name it and put a bean in the bowl. Maybe take a few moments to reflect and give thanks as you charge the offering with your love and appreciation.
Tomorrow, take the bowl of beans and cook them as part of your Thanksgiving meal, consciously nourishing yourself with them and ingesting those qualities into your blood and bones.
Hope you like the idea, and that it inspires you to create your own unique variation... :-)
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Question about the heart
Dear Deepika,
I started to do heart meditations and wanting to go into the heart. Part of me is there, but I feel I keep watching it from the mind and don't manage to leave it. Anything to say about that?
First of all, let that part of your mind watch from a distance. maybe that part is worried, wants to make sure you're safe. maybe there's a history of being in the heart leading to danger or vulnerability that was not safe. Whatever it is, my guess is that this distancing part is trying to protect you, and that needs to be honored, not fought with.
Secondly, often when we come into closer contact with the heart, the first thing we encounter is a defensive layer, a sort of disconnection. so even in the energetic heart itself there may feel like a wall, a fuzziness or something that is tight. The art of doing heart meditations is to let that be there.
To let whatever you meet be just the way it is, and to rest there. And then use the meditation to open your heart to that tightness, to that fuzziness, whatever is there.... open your heart to it and love it, enjoy it, feel the nuances of it inside without trying to make it go away, and then something will naturally shift.
sometimes there's an emotion or tension that really needs to move, but often it's a matter of waiting, melting, turning towards whatever is there that makes it relax. and as that layer relaxes, you fall deeper. it's an inward falling in, a subtle settling that happens by itself.
The heart, as a chakra and as an energetic field, has layers... it's a little bit similar to the layers of tension in the body but it's much less solid, so it's a different kind of contact that's needed. in the heart, the very pressure to 'be in the heart', to feel open-hearted creates a tension, since ideals are what burden the heart in the first place. acceptance is the key to opening it again... :-)
thank you for asking, i hope this answer helps. i have also begun doing heart meditations again, i really need that sometimes!
Much love,
Deepika
I started to do heart meditations and wanting to go into the heart. Part of me is there, but I feel I keep watching it from the mind and don't manage to leave it. Anything to say about that?
First of all, let that part of your mind watch from a distance. maybe that part is worried, wants to make sure you're safe. maybe there's a history of being in the heart leading to danger or vulnerability that was not safe. Whatever it is, my guess is that this distancing part is trying to protect you, and that needs to be honored, not fought with.
Secondly, often when we come into closer contact with the heart, the first thing we encounter is a defensive layer, a sort of disconnection. so even in the energetic heart itself there may feel like a wall, a fuzziness or something that is tight. The art of doing heart meditations is to let that be there.
To let whatever you meet be just the way it is, and to rest there. And then use the meditation to open your heart to that tightness, to that fuzziness, whatever is there.... open your heart to it and love it, enjoy it, feel the nuances of it inside without trying to make it go away, and then something will naturally shift.
sometimes there's an emotion or tension that really needs to move, but often it's a matter of waiting, melting, turning towards whatever is there that makes it relax. and as that layer relaxes, you fall deeper. it's an inward falling in, a subtle settling that happens by itself.
The heart, as a chakra and as an energetic field, has layers... it's a little bit similar to the layers of tension in the body but it's much less solid, so it's a different kind of contact that's needed. in the heart, the very pressure to 'be in the heart', to feel open-hearted creates a tension, since ideals are what burden the heart in the first place. acceptance is the key to opening it again... :-)
thank you for asking, i hope this answer helps. i have also begun doing heart meditations again, i really need that sometimes!
Much love,
Deepika
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sheddin' time
Shedding.
Trees do it, cats do it (all over the couch), and certainly snakes do it. They let things die, they let things rub off, fall away, lay there in the dust as if it were nothing. With no elaborate ritual, without agony or distress, they keep moving with the tides, the pulse, the flow, almost oblivious to what is left behind. Unlike me of course. Unlike most of us.... for whom every separation, every ending, every let go is such a deep self-examination and struggle... well, at least for me... :-)
So this is the time. Time to let go. We put so much energy into creation, vision, so much attention on the flower, the fruit, the new leaves and branches emerging. But eventually those leaves get golden and dry, fragile and brittle, get pulled away by an evening breeze and hardly even noticed get crumbled to dust. This dying process that happens every autumn is what makes space for the next cycle. For the new shoots and flowers to come in the spring. This is my learning. Letting things go, and making space for the new. But in between there's a death. A gap. A silence of unknown time.
And there's no precise timing or knowing of what comes next. I suppose a cherry tree can pretty much assume it's gonna bear some bright red cherries in a few months, if all goes well. And a banana tree can hold out for a new banana crop pretty soon - all it takes is a bit of patience, sun, water (and some good samba music can't hurt) and those fruits will be back.
But how about me...? I'm still not sure what type of fruit I bear. In every let go there's a gasp, a wondering if anything will ever grow again. Is this the end, the final chapter, the ultimate failure...? Somewhere deep inside the hankering for spring begins even as the rustle of the old unnecessary and out-of-date swirl at my feet.
But this year, I hope to have learned something. This is my chance to savor the cycle of completion, to celebrate what was, and to enjoy the inner deepening that darkness brings. Rather than count the moments until the dawn, this winter I wish to relish in the snuggliness of hibernation. Let my inner juices cook undisturbed, unseen, un-evaluated by other's eyes. This time I will let the shedding happen and trust the new skin that is ready to emerge. I mean, who wants to be the same all the time anyways..? So if growth happens through death, If the new emerges only in the space vacated by the old, then I welcome it all, and gratefully say goodbye.
Trees do it, cats do it (all over the couch), and certainly snakes do it. They let things die, they let things rub off, fall away, lay there in the dust as if it were nothing. With no elaborate ritual, without agony or distress, they keep moving with the tides, the pulse, the flow, almost oblivious to what is left behind. Unlike me of course. Unlike most of us.... for whom every separation, every ending, every let go is such a deep self-examination and struggle... well, at least for me... :-)
So this is the time. Time to let go. We put so much energy into creation, vision, so much attention on the flower, the fruit, the new leaves and branches emerging. But eventually those leaves get golden and dry, fragile and brittle, get pulled away by an evening breeze and hardly even noticed get crumbled to dust. This dying process that happens every autumn is what makes space for the next cycle. For the new shoots and flowers to come in the spring. This is my learning. Letting things go, and making space for the new. But in between there's a death. A gap. A silence of unknown time.
And there's no precise timing or knowing of what comes next. I suppose a cherry tree can pretty much assume it's gonna bear some bright red cherries in a few months, if all goes well. And a banana tree can hold out for a new banana crop pretty soon - all it takes is a bit of patience, sun, water (and some good samba music can't hurt) and those fruits will be back.
But how about me...? I'm still not sure what type of fruit I bear. In every let go there's a gasp, a wondering if anything will ever grow again. Is this the end, the final chapter, the ultimate failure...? Somewhere deep inside the hankering for spring begins even as the rustle of the old unnecessary and out-of-date swirl at my feet.
But this year, I hope to have learned something. This is my chance to savor the cycle of completion, to celebrate what was, and to enjoy the inner deepening that darkness brings. Rather than count the moments until the dawn, this winter I wish to relish in the snuggliness of hibernation. Let my inner juices cook undisturbed, unseen, un-evaluated by other's eyes. This time I will let the shedding happen and trust the new skin that is ready to emerge. I mean, who wants to be the same all the time anyways..? So if growth happens through death, If the new emerges only in the space vacated by the old, then I welcome it all, and gratefully say goodbye.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Brotherly love
My brother is here, visiting from Israel. I'm always amazed when I meet him. He knows all these things about me, about us, about stuff we did as kids. He reminds me that yes, I was a kid once. We ate pancakes together and went to the beach, went shopping with granny and rolled our eyes at weird neurotic wackiness of it all. These are vague ghostlike memories in my mind, the kind oth thing that shows up in therapy more than anywhere else. And here he is, recalling it all, casually mentioning this that or the other event as though it were obvious and known to all. He was there. Like a character actor in a great movie, the one never mentioned the billboards but who makes all the difference.
I was not alone, it turns out. He waits for me to sneeze when I have my chocolate mousse. He ridicules my tardiness, he grumbles when I tell him what to do, and is gently surprised that I can cook ... And was with me at kundalini last night, shaking off the dustiness of the attic where he seems to store endless boxes full of memories and stories that strangely are also mine.
I was not alone, it turns out. He waits for me to sneeze when I have my chocolate mousse. He ridicules my tardiness, he grumbles when I tell him what to do, and is gently surprised that I can cook ... And was with me at kundalini last night, shaking off the dustiness of the attic where he seems to store endless boxes full of memories and stories that strangely are also mine.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Living in the Bay Area = torture for indecisive people who want to do it all...
AAARGH...! Another impossible weekend. So many things to do, so many live music events, outdoor fairs, museums, parks, beaches, not to mention meditations, dances and pool parties..... gasp....! yikes...!!!
Yes, for us indecisive Geminian double-minded folks, these endless options and possibilities, tantalizing and tempting as they may be, can feel like being trapped in a candy store for days on end. Sometimes i just want to run to the hills, to the land of "oh my gosh, there's a new pie flavor at the cafe on the corner" sort of excitement. Or maybe a I crave the sheer deliciousness of an afternoon with dear friends drinking white wine and talking about the stars, letting the hours slip from hummingbirds to crickets with melancholy ease.... Or celebrating the full moon as the best act in town, and having nowhere to go but here.
Yes, for us indecisive Geminian double-minded folks, these endless options and possibilities, tantalizing and tempting as they may be, can feel like being trapped in a candy store for days on end. Sometimes i just want to run to the hills, to the land of "oh my gosh, there's a new pie flavor at the cafe on the corner" sort of excitement. Or maybe a I crave the sheer deliciousness of an afternoon with dear friends drinking white wine and talking about the stars, letting the hours slip from hummingbirds to crickets with melancholy ease.... Or celebrating the full moon as the best act in town, and having nowhere to go but here.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Today I discovered that I was a tree...
A tree, huh?
Well, yes. Metaphorically speaking... :-)
I was doing the Chakra Breathing meditation, which is one of my all-time favorite things to do. And as I'm doing this meditation I'm exploring this whole pattern of self-valuing inside of me, tracing the energetics of it in my body as I'm breathing into the constrictions around my chakras.
And then I recognized all the subtle (and not so subtle) movements inside of me to DO something. Grow, expand, express, be more this that or the other. All the ideas and inspirations, which lovely as they are, are somehow based on the underlying premise that I need to get better. To improve Deepika's Deepikaness in some way. And finally I got fed up. Enough already! What happened to 'Good Enough'...? Why am I constantly barraged with self improvement, growth and betterment? Why can't THIS, yes, THIS, be wonderful as it is...?
So, I began to shift my awareness to that which is. To noticing just whatever was really there, in each breath, in each chakra, in the musings of my chattery mind... whatever. And something began to unwind in me. Deep in my psyche, somewhere in the back of my throat chakra, some tangled knot began to twist itself open.
And then I saw it. Like in the beautiful Zen story about the lion and the sheep... I saw that I was a tree. Not a seed, not a sapling, not a little green shoot struggling to find a place for itself in this world...
But now inside of me there's a knowing, and a centeredness, and a clarity that wasn't there before. Now there's a trunk, some branches, some roots going deep into the ground. This inner experience cannot be uprooted, kicked over or trampled so easily. In fact, it's the very fabric of who I am. And then I saw myself in the mirror. Saw the truth of how much I have grown, how much more solid I am in my being, and how much I have to offer.
It may sound strange, but I had not really seen this before. I could see it reflected in other people's responses to me, in feedback from friends and teachers. I could see it reflected in the depth of the work I'm doing with clients... But I wasn't able to really see it from the inside. Somewhere in my perception of myself, my spiritual being was still a little green shoot, a mere sapling being battered by the winds and terrified of animals with teeth. I needed grooming, fertilizing, a caring gardener to watch over me. I needed daddy to tell me I was alright...
Sigh... I guess that little girl part of me will always know that pathway, the well trodden route to unworthiness and anxiety about my value, my place in the world, and if I'm connected to love... But right now, all that seems irrelevant. I'm a tree. Trees don't ask themselves such questions. They don't ponder the value of this leaf or that, which shade of red to color their fruit. Trees are just doin' it. I might favor good sources of water, turn my face to the morning sun... Certainly there's more growth and lots of adventures still to come. But my place is here, in this moment. My blood and bones are rooted here. And although my heart carries the fragrance of the blossoms yet to come and the sky welcomes me, I'm in no hurry, it's kinda fun to just hang out being a tree...:-)
Well, yes. Metaphorically speaking... :-)
I was doing the Chakra Breathing meditation, which is one of my all-time favorite things to do. And as I'm doing this meditation I'm exploring this whole pattern of self-valuing inside of me, tracing the energetics of it in my body as I'm breathing into the constrictions around my chakras.
And then I recognized all the subtle (and not so subtle) movements inside of me to DO something. Grow, expand, express, be more this that or the other. All the ideas and inspirations, which lovely as they are, are somehow based on the underlying premise that I need to get better. To improve Deepika's Deepikaness in some way. And finally I got fed up. Enough already! What happened to 'Good Enough'...? Why am I constantly barraged with self improvement, growth and betterment? Why can't THIS, yes, THIS, be wonderful as it is...?
So, I began to shift my awareness to that which is. To noticing just whatever was really there, in each breath, in each chakra, in the musings of my chattery mind... whatever. And something began to unwind in me. Deep in my psyche, somewhere in the back of my throat chakra, some tangled knot began to twist itself open.
And then I saw it. Like in the beautiful Zen story about the lion and the sheep... I saw that I was a tree. Not a seed, not a sapling, not a little green shoot struggling to find a place for itself in this world...
But now inside of me there's a knowing, and a centeredness, and a clarity that wasn't there before. Now there's a trunk, some branches, some roots going deep into the ground. This inner experience cannot be uprooted, kicked over or trampled so easily. In fact, it's the very fabric of who I am. And then I saw myself in the mirror. Saw the truth of how much I have grown, how much more solid I am in my being, and how much I have to offer.
It may sound strange, but I had not really seen this before. I could see it reflected in other people's responses to me, in feedback from friends and teachers. I could see it reflected in the depth of the work I'm doing with clients... But I wasn't able to really see it from the inside. Somewhere in my perception of myself, my spiritual being was still a little green shoot, a mere sapling being battered by the winds and terrified of animals with teeth. I needed grooming, fertilizing, a caring gardener to watch over me. I needed daddy to tell me I was alright...
Sigh... I guess that little girl part of me will always know that pathway, the well trodden route to unworthiness and anxiety about my value, my place in the world, and if I'm connected to love... But right now, all that seems irrelevant. I'm a tree. Trees don't ask themselves such questions. They don't ponder the value of this leaf or that, which shade of red to color their fruit. Trees are just doin' it. I might favor good sources of water, turn my face to the morning sun... Certainly there's more growth and lots of adventures still to come. But my place is here, in this moment. My blood and bones are rooted here. And although my heart carries the fragrance of the blossoms yet to come and the sky welcomes me, I'm in no hurry, it's kinda fun to just hang out being a tree...:-)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Jumping in
It's been a while since i stopped blogging. It's a shame really, since every few days I have these moments of inspiration when I want to think out loud, present a new idea or just share some silly joke or profound insight, and I guess that's what a blog is for, isn't it..?
So here's a first post - about jumping in. This is my practice these days, and this blog is part of that. Not having a plan, a detailed long-term vision or anything like that... just jumping in, taking a leap of trust in myself and whatever impulse got me to crave blogging all of a sudden. So here it is. An impulse. Unknown, unplanned, uncharted. And without knowing why or how, I'm following it. Welcome to the ride... :-) If you join me, this will take us into unfamiliar places, to explore, question, inquire and rejoice in life's playground.
So my first inquiry is into impulse. Just like this one. How do I tell the difference between an impulse and a compulsion? Why does this feel important to do despite the 10 zillion other things on my to-do list... while many other ideas or desires have popped up in my head all day long and I casually dismissed them...? I'm reading a book these days that differentiates between intention and inspiration. Yes, this feels like inspiration... how do I know that...?
Ok, I'm checking it out as I type. Clue #1: It feels opening. as I do it, something inside of me expands. There's also a trembling of sorts, and various random "Who wants to read your ramblings anyways" kind of thoughts... but underneath all of that is a sense of opening spaciousness.
Clue #2: Persistence. I've had flashes of "Oh this would be cool to post on my blog" for the past 2 weeks. Every time I have words tumbling out of there I sadly acknowledge my bloglessness. So now that's a sign that this is an impulse that had some deeper roots because it keeps showing up, unsolicited.
Clue #3: I don't know why it's right. There's a distinct absence of strategic thinking... Strategic in the 'negative' sense of a compulsive pattern that is trying to defend against or attain some sort of gratification that's linked to my beliefs about myself. Sure, I have various justifications... but they are on the surface and coming as an after-thought. The impulse it self is clean. No agenda. No beliefs ringing off the hook. Just a movement, a wave, and I feel moved by it rather than pushing it.
Clue #4: I'm interested. Yes, really. I have about 100 ideas passing through my mind every day. But many of them, if I really tune in, are boring. They bore me before heading out the gate. This idea intrigues me. Since I'm the main person involved in this blogging business, I guess it's a good idea for me to be excited about it....!
Any other ideas...? any inner clues for how to sort out the gold nuggets from the stones, the ideas and impulses worth pursuing versus the ones that are just tired same-old 'stuff'...?
Would be happy to hear about it, and will be delighted to share more of these inner and outer inquiries as they come up. Enjoying every moment makes life all that much more delicious... :-)
Love.
So here's a first post - about jumping in. This is my practice these days, and this blog is part of that. Not having a plan, a detailed long-term vision or anything like that... just jumping in, taking a leap of trust in myself and whatever impulse got me to crave blogging all of a sudden. So here it is. An impulse. Unknown, unplanned, uncharted. And without knowing why or how, I'm following it. Welcome to the ride... :-) If you join me, this will take us into unfamiliar places, to explore, question, inquire and rejoice in life's playground.
So my first inquiry is into impulse. Just like this one. How do I tell the difference between an impulse and a compulsion? Why does this feel important to do despite the 10 zillion other things on my to-do list... while many other ideas or desires have popped up in my head all day long and I casually dismissed them...? I'm reading a book these days that differentiates between intention and inspiration. Yes, this feels like inspiration... how do I know that...?
Ok, I'm checking it out as I type. Clue #1: It feels opening. as I do it, something inside of me expands. There's also a trembling of sorts, and various random "Who wants to read your ramblings anyways" kind of thoughts... but underneath all of that is a sense of opening spaciousness.
Clue #2: Persistence. I've had flashes of "Oh this would be cool to post on my blog" for the past 2 weeks. Every time I have words tumbling out of there I sadly acknowledge my bloglessness. So now that's a sign that this is an impulse that had some deeper roots because it keeps showing up, unsolicited.
Clue #3: I don't know why it's right. There's a distinct absence of strategic thinking... Strategic in the 'negative' sense of a compulsive pattern that is trying to defend against or attain some sort of gratification that's linked to my beliefs about myself. Sure, I have various justifications... but they are on the surface and coming as an after-thought. The impulse it self is clean. No agenda. No beliefs ringing off the hook. Just a movement, a wave, and I feel moved by it rather than pushing it.
Clue #4: I'm interested. Yes, really. I have about 100 ideas passing through my mind every day. But many of them, if I really tune in, are boring. They bore me before heading out the gate. This idea intrigues me. Since I'm the main person involved in this blogging business, I guess it's a good idea for me to be excited about it....!
Any other ideas...? any inner clues for how to sort out the gold nuggets from the stones, the ideas and impulses worth pursuing versus the ones that are just tired same-old 'stuff'...?
Would be happy to hear about it, and will be delighted to share more of these inner and outer inquiries as they come up. Enjoying every moment makes life all that much more delicious... :-)
Love.
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